Rachel Whaley Doll, author of Beating on the Chest of God
Friends, I believe we’ve all been touched by miscarriages and infertility. Even if we haven’t experienced it ourselves, we’ve held the hands of friends and family who have been devastated. And if we’re honest? There were times we didn’t know what to say or how to help. My brave friend Rachel Whaley Doll has opened the pages of her journal and the depths of her heart to help us all — to remind us all that God is with us. She is hosting a book launch from 4 to 6 p.m. Sunday, June 8, at A Different Path Art Gallery in Brockport, N.Y. Would you join us there and come meet Rachel? Will you share the news about this important book so others know they are not alone?
A glimpse at her beautifully honest writing…
Quite often, people are uncomfortable questioning God or admitting to being angry with God. I’m not sure what we are afraid of, but I felt I needed to hold in all the questions and frustration, and say prayers to God that were “proper.” It was so powerful to reach the end of my rope and literally scream at God until I was hoarse.
What I discovered is that God was still there.
In the midst of my miscarriage, I had a very vivid image of God. I was in a waiting room, and had been there so long that the faded salmon-colored plastic chairs seemed comfortable. There was a figure leaning against the wall wearing an overcoat, and scrunched down on the floor. I realized it was God. God was this regular-looking person many people walked by without ever noticing. This figure simply sat, never looking around, never trying to reach out or help in any way, just sitting. The picture initially added to my anger. “Get up!” I thought. “Fix this! Hold me while I cry! Do something! You won’t even look at me!”
But then I noticed the pain in God’s eyes, the disheveled appearance. God had been by my side the whole time, tired and angry, feeling my pain with me. I reached a point where the answers to all my ‘whys’ wouldn’t even mean anything anymore. I didn’t need a reason, I just needed help dealing with the pain.
I cannot say enough about how important my family, friends, nurses and doctors were in helping me through this time. It was so hard to reach out at first, to tell people what was happening, but it truly made all the difference, spiritually and emotionally, for me.
If you are the friend of someone living with infertility, please hear me: we know you can’t fix this! It is the hardest thing to sit beside someone you love and watch them suffer, unable to roll up your sleeves and come to their rescue. But what we need more than anything is your presence. What we need is to know that no matter what, we are not alone. Even when we are quiet, let us know we are loved.