My favorite journal is brown with antique maps wrapped around its cover. Just inside it carries a 2008 inscription from my husband. Words of love and encouragement. Words that urge me to “become intoxicated by the fragrance of every flower that makes up the beauty of (my) heart.”
Beyond that is a blank page. And another, followed by another.
In seven years, my pen has never landed there, never rolled across the lines for fear my words wouldn’t be sturdy enough to hold my expectations.
What if my penmanship was messy? What if all I could think of to write was a shopping list? How fragrant would those words be?
The edges are turning with age and thankfully I’m turning as well – toward beginning and enjoying.
I have a handful of resolutions for 2015, and they all fall under a one-word theme: start.
Start writing in the journal, even if it gets filled with ramblings and doodles.
Start the project I’m afraid I’ll never be able to finish.
Start learning something new.
Start scheduling regular dates with my husband.
Start praying out loud for my kids.
Start kicking fear out the door, and start trusting that – whatever it is – God’s got this.
Start acting like this life here is a gift, and I really don’t have a moment to waste on worry or self-doubt or unforgiveness.
It’s a good word, and I suspect it’s a good way to come alive in 2015, a good step toward true faith.
That eloquent husband of mine, he likes a scene in one of the X-Men movies from more than a decade ago. One of the characters, Magneto, is crossing a dark abyss. At first, there is no bridge. No rope. Nothing. But when Magneto lifts his foot to take the first step, rocks rise and form a steady walkway. Each step after that – each start – brings more rocks for Magneto to walk on until he has safely crossed.
It’s that way with faith, too, my husband tells me. We start and we trust, even without a visible pathway. Without all the answers. Without all the resources lined up in neat rows. Without knowing how we’ll fill the page.
So, here’s to having the faith to start in 2015.